Honest definitions from work and life

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  • Capitalism

    noun

    An economic system where a corporation can legally evaluate the cheapest option between recalling a product with a life-threatening defect versus handling lawsuit settlements.

    Macy: "I heard about the car fire. Crazy!"
    Edward: "Yeah, I know. I work for that company."
    Macy: "So are you folks recalling the cars?"
    Edward: "Nah. We did the math. A recall would cut into Q3 profits! It's cheaper to settle."
    Macy: "What!? Profits over people?"
    Edward: Shrugs "Capitalism, baby!"

    karthik on July 27, 2024

  • School

    noun

    A place to keep the kids occupied 9 to 5 so their parents can live and work 9 to 5 in peace.

    karthik on September 9, 2024

  • Rejuvenate

    verb

    To spend time in self-care and convince yourself that you’re revitalized and are ready to return to the same soul-sucking routine that drained you in the first place.

    Manager: "How was the weekend?"
    John: "Oh, I had a great time. I rejuvenated myself with some good rest."
    Manager: "Great! Now please finish the report by EOD!"

    karthik on August 20, 2024

  • Backlog

    noun

    A product manager's exclusive black hole where initiatives and tasks go to die. The longer an item stays there, the less likely it is to ever see the light again.

    Sales (on a call): "Hey, a lot of users are asking for a payments feature. When can we expect it?"
    Product Manager: "It's—"
    Product Manager's Spouse (in unison with the kids): "In the backlog!"

    karthik on August 2, 2024

  • Bikeshedding

    noun

    The human tendency to procrastinate on the important and complex stuff by obsessing over something minor that no one else cares about. Commonly observed among engineers.

    Dave: "Should the login button be blue or slightly more blue?"
    Ken: "Dude, we're still missing the entire authentication system! Stop bikeshedding and focus!"

    karthik on September 4, 2024