Honest definitions from work and life

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  • Touch base

    verb

    A corporate slang for letting someone know you are very inclined to bug the crap out of them again later on the same topic. Usually dropped at the end of a meeting by people who love the sound of their voice.

    Manager: Let's touch base on this next week!
    Colleague: Great!

    CaptainWTF on August 16, 2024

  • Player versus Player (PvP)

    adjective

    An online multiplayer game mode where you get to test how well your best gear and ego hold up against other players who are just as clueless as you are. The only thing guaranteed is your self-esteem taking a nosedive.

    Thor: "I shall smite you with the might of Mjolnir!"
    Kid: "Dude, that’s a pickaxe. And you’re just hitting the wall!"
    Thor: "I am Thor! I am—"
    Kid: "Losing to a 12-year-old!"
    Thor: "What is this sorcery?"
    Kid: "New to PvP?"

    CaptainWTF on August 2, 2024

  • Microtransaction

    noun

    A tiny in-game purchase that sneakily drains your wallet as you spend more on useless virtual stuff than the actual game itself.

    Dwight: "Look at this skin! Just 1 dollar!"
    Jim: "How many skins do you have?"
    Dwight: "Uh, maybe a 100?"
    Jim: "How much did the game cost?"
    Dwight: "10 bucks!"
    Jim: looks at the camera

    CaptainWTF on August 2, 2024

  • Human

    noun

    Monkey that turned intelligent through evolutionary pressure and is now doomed to vote, work 9 to 5, open, stare, and close a screen, open, stare, and close the fridge, eat, love if lucky, hate if unlucky, sleep and dream if lucky, stare at the ceiling if unlucky, and repeat.

    Humans say they want happiness but spend their lives chasing whatever lights up their brain for five seconds.

    CaptainWTF on September 8, 2024

  • Adult

    noun

    A person who realizes that "doing what I love" actually means "doing what pays the rent".

    CaptainWTF on September 1, 2024