Honest definitions from work and life

  • Project manager

    noun

    A professional in an organization skilled in planning a project down to the last detail, executing it flawlessly, and blaming every delay, bug, and coffee stain on their tee on the product manager.

    Product marketer: "Why is the project behind schedule again?"
    Project manager: "The creep in the product team is creeping scope into the project."
    Product marketer: "Creep? You mean the product manager?"
    Project manager: "Yeah!"
    Boss: "What's that stain on your shirt?"
    Project manager: "It's the product manager! I was waiting for his email, lost my patience, and spilled my coffee!"

    karthik on August 15, 2024

  • Programming

    noun

    A human skill to tell a rock to do math by flipping tiny bits of matter.

    karthik on August 9, 2024

  • Player versus Player (PvP)

    adjective

    An online multiplayer game mode where you get to test how well your best gear and ego hold up against other players who are just as clueless as you are. The only thing guaranteed is your self-esteem taking a nosedive.

    Thor: "I shall smite you with the might of Mjolnir!"
    Kid: "Dude, that’s a pickaxe. And you’re just hitting the wall!"
    Thor: "I am Thor! I am—"
    Kid: "Losing to a 12-year-old!"
    Thor: "What is this sorcery?"
    Kid: "New to PvP?"

    CaptainWTF on August 2, 2024

  • Microtransaction

    noun

    A tiny in-game purchase that sneakily drains your wallet as you spend more on useless virtual stuff than the actual game itself.

    Dwight: "Look at this skin! Just 1 dollar!"
    Jim: "How many skins do you have?"
    Dwight: "Uh, maybe a 100?"
    Jim: "How much did the game cost?"
    Dwight: "10 bucks!"
    Jim: looks at the camera

    CaptainWTF on August 2, 2024

  • Ad hominem

    adjective

    A verbal attack from a developer towards another developer, debugging their personality, commit history, and genetic makeup instead of their actual bug in the code.

    Jenny: "Hey, my algorithm is too slow, could you check?"
    Ruby: "Maybe if you'd learned the difference between tabs and spaces, it would be efficient, Jennifer!"
    Jenny: "Hey! That ad hominem is uncalled for!"
    Ruby: types git blame utils/converter.py
    Ruby: "Not really!'

    karthik on July 28, 2024