Honest definitions from work and life

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  • Autocorrect

    noun

    A stupid piece of intelligent software in a phone that’s supposed to finish your sentences and correct grammatical errors and misspelled words but often goes berserk and turns perfectly fine words into awkward disasters.

    Manager: "Were you drunk last night?"
    Kelly: "Eh? No, why?"
    Manager: "You sent 'best retards' instead of 'best regards' to our clients."
    Kelly: "Permission to hit my head hard on this desk?"
    Manager: "Granted!"

    karthik on August 28, 2024

  • Stall

    verb

    To push an aircraft to its limit, where it just gives up the whole 'flying' thing and decides to plummet like a rock. Usually exciting if the pilot recovers the aircraft from a stall on time. Interesting if they don't.

    Murdock: "Gentlemen! We're stalling!"
    Bosco: "Stop yapping and recover from it, you fool!"

    karthik on August 17, 2024

  • Project manager

    noun

    A professional in an organization skilled in planning a project down to the last detail, executing it flawlessly, and blaming every delay, bug, and coffee stain on their tee on the product manager.

    Product marketer: "Why is the project behind schedule again?"
    Project manager: "The creep in the product team is creeping scope into the project."
    Product marketer: "Creep? You mean the product manager?"
    Project manager: "Yeah!"
    Boss: "What's that stain on your shirt?"
    Project manager: "It's the product manager! I was waiting for his email, lost my patience, and spilled my coffee!"

    karthik on August 15, 2024

  • Programming

    noun

    A human skill to tell a rock to do math by flipping tiny bits of matter.

    karthik on August 9, 2024

  • Ad hominem

    adjective

    A verbal attack from a developer towards another developer, debugging their personality, commit history, and genetic makeup instead of their actual bug in the code.

    Jenny: "Hey, my algorithm is too slow, could you check?"
    Ruby: "Maybe if you'd learned the difference between tabs and spaces, it would be efficient, Jennifer!"
    Jenny: "Hey! That ad hominem is uncalled for!"
    Ruby: types git blame utils/converter.py
    Ruby: "Not really!'

    karthik on July 28, 2024